What It Is

Young men are told.. “Don’t show your emotions; because this is weak. Only women show their emotions”. So men become “hard” and insensitive, or young men attempt to act “tough” when they’re out in a social environment.

But this is purely a cover for the real problem. It’s the emotions themselves that are weak, not the expression of them. Men are afraid to show emotion because then they’re exposed as weak and unsure of themselves. But instead of pushing themselves out of their comfort zone, going through the maturing and growth process to develop seasoning as men, they choose instead to conceal their emotions; never dealing with them, never facing their own inadequacies.

In reality, the stronger a man is, the more sure of himself he is, the more relaxed he is in his social environment, the more emotionally expressive he will be. Emotional expressiveness is not a sign of femininity, but one of comfort with yourself, and a relaxed urge to express who you are. Someone who is stifled in expressiing emotion, is actually weak. Anyone who is powerful, who leads and influences, expresses themselves emotionally. In fact, the only way to influence with words is to communicate them through emotion.

Scientists have said that nonverbal communication makes up 93% of actual communication between humans. So if a person hinders their emotional expressiveness, they hinder their ability to communicate.

Now what about the strong silent type? Everyone admires these qualities in a man. But these develop from a place of seasoning, and life experience. Having dealt with life, having made his mark, and continuing to take responsibility for everything in his life, whether finances, career, education, or his day to day well-being and that of everyone in his life; a man develops a certain gravity and presence about him. He deals with life issues with calm and stoicism, trusting in his ability to deal with a situation, because he deals with every situation with the same intensity of purpose and focus. But he’s not always like this. As a male who takes charge of his life, and looks out for others, he gives himself permission to stay positive and project this outward. He’s carefree about spreading the good vibes because he knows this is for the best. This is healthy!

After 17 years of martial arts and mixed martial arts experience, and a career as a military officer, I realize that the best thing for those around me is for me to lead them into a healthier and more positive emotional and mental state. I’m not attempting to act tough to show people how alpha I am. This makes no sense; this is negative and a social downer. This shift between stoicism and proactive positivity is natural to the environment he finds himself in. Most underdeveloped men go too far into one extreme or the other, attempting to act tough in inopportune times, or needy and approval-seeking. People, especially women, spot the small incongruencies in behavior of a person who does not have the natural rhythm and flow correct.